Hey you. Yes, you. I see you there. I know you’re scared, and I don’t want to tell you not to be afraid…
Here I am. Telling you it’s OK to be scared, but you still have to go on. Maybe it’s something you’ve wanted for a long time, something positive even, but it’s such a huge change that you’re scared to death.
It’s OK. Let’s breath through it. We will make it to the other side, and you might even wonder after all is said and done why you were so scared. You might even feel a bit silly, but that’s OK too. I’ve been there. You’ve been there too, so remember to just breath. And maybe giggle a little.
It releases tension.
And even if it’s not ok, I’ll sit with you on the darkest night and light a candle for you. Call me and I’ll just breath on the other end letting you know I’m there. Maybe it won’t be ok again today, or tomorrow….
But things will be ok again. And after they’re ok again, you’ll be able to search for the good days. The awesome days.
You’re not quite ready to believe in them, but they’re out there. So I will hold the dream for the both of us.
So I sent off the email yesterday morning. If I don’t get a response soon, I may just post it here and see what we see. But there are 2 things that are really resonating with me right now…
Instead of thinking about what I’d normally do, I have assigned myself the persona of one of my favorite characters when it comes to my writing: Alex. She kicks butt and never asks questions about it, does what needs to be done, and at the end of the day loves her family and has compassion for her fellow travellers. It really sucks though, that I have to PRETEND confidence in my writing. But, it is what it is, and as long as it gets me to push the SEND button on my email it’ll do. Who knows, maybe I’ll start sending in the other ideas too… It’s an idea, not sure it’s a good one, but it is an idea.
In researching, revising, rough drafting that email, I have come up with several other ideas. Writing begets writing. Hopefully, someday QUICKLY something will stick with someone.
Because I need hope. I need to get out of the muck I’m stuck in. I need some hope, a little flicker at the end of the tunnel. I need a lot of things, but I need to live my dreams and escape back into my real life… The one that I used to have where every day was an adventure and I my very own soundtrack.
Yah. Rock n Roll Princess meets kick butt Alex. That’s who I want to be when I grow up.