I haven’t been by myself in a house for an extended amount of time in… Years. I always have my son (15) or my dad (95) around or coming back. It’s wonderful. I love my family. But….
I used to love living by myself too. I’ve always kept myself occupied– readings writing, television. I’m not one that gets bored and stays bored. The quiet is a friend of mine- it allows a moment of reflection, a deep sigh.
Thanks to Caltrans and my Best friend I just had that. A glorious Sunday through Thursday morning where I stayed in a house all by my lonesome. Caltrans closed the freeway that I need to get to work. (Not a work vacation, alas). My BF is travelling, and offered her house. I have to tell you….
It. Was. Glorious.
I wrote and sent out cards. I didn’t cook ANYTHING. Frozen all the way. And after work, I went to the real happiest place on earth, Barnes and Noble, and bought many wonderful magazines. One was brand new to me, called Oh, Reader and I read every single article in it. Which has inspired me– to do magazine reviews. Share what I’m loving. Maybe a few book reviews in there too.
The fact is that I miss blogging. I miss sharing the things I love, and boy do I love books and magazines!
I love my family. Of course I do.
But I missed myself, and didn’t even realize what had been missing in my life was ME.
For my little bitty apartment, on Sesame Street. The one with not enough plugs in the kitchen, or counter space. The one where the windows didn’t always work quite right, and the screen door was falling off it’s hinges.
You know the one. The one where my son grew up. Where he ran around a big looping figure 8 around the chair, did his Yo-Gabba dance (a galloping, thigh slapping dance) the first time. The place where Brian, Ray and I were invincible. A family.
I called over there today, asked what a 2 bedroom would cost. I know that a 1 bedroom would be just a little bit too small for the 3 of us now.
But I want to go home. I don’t know how I’ll do it. I don’t know how… because almost all my money is going to daycare and gas. But I’ll find a way.
I told Brian tonight, on the phone, that I want to go back. That I need to go back home to sesame street. There’s no back yard for Ray to play in, but the rent’s do-able if Brian starts working fairly quickly, and it’s central to bus lines and stores and parks and all sorts of stuff.