Archive | March 2009




Lonely mother in the

darkest dread of night

Baby’s crying and she’s

holding on with all her might

Can’t hear the whisper

of God in her ear,

too busy hanging on

to pain and fear.


Believe. Believe.

Open your heart to Me.

Believe. Believe.

Step into My healing grace.

Believe. Believe.


So many lost and

wandering souls

trying to hang on

amid an army of woe.

If they’d hit their knees

and bow their heads

they’d find the answer

to the dread.


Believe. Believe.

Open your heart to Me.

Believe. Believe.

Step into My healing grace.

Believe. Believe.


Left years of pain

and strife behind,

Listened to the voice

of God to find.

Joined an army

ten million strong

voices lifted up in

glorious song.



Believe. Believe.

Open your heart to Me.

Believe. Believe.

Step into My healing grace.

Believe. Believe.




A bit of prose/poetry, not sure what to call it yet. But it’s the sort of thing that I’ve been working on along with the children’s poetry.

What is a day
well spent?
Making a few dollars,
only to spend them?
In the coinage of time,
how does one compound interest?

Take the joy and
seize the day
A smile freely given
reaps a treasure chest
of freindship.
A penny’s worth of
understanding can
be worth the treasury
to one in need.
Singing the glory
of the One most Holy
can lead down
streets paved with gold.

Carpe Diem.

Notes On Sunday

So today I had worship. But I need to back up a little bit and talk a bit about pre-worship.

I came in to church with my haands full of the Amazing Baby Ray and all of our stuff. And I was trying very hard to get a two year old boy his donut, since he had been good all morning. Kind of hard to juggle.

And then came Dorothy.

I’m not as familiar with her as I am with the other ladies of the church. She’s kind of quiet, hangs back a bit. But today, she was right on point with Ray and I. She helped me get him a donut, sat with us as we joined the table and he got to sit in a big boy chair as he ate his treat.

When he was entranced with the flowers in the front, she went with us to take a closer look. Gorgeous Easter Lilly’s bursting from vases. I played with Ray, making a big show of sniffing the flowers and he pretended to sneeze. I told him how beautiful they were and he said something in response. So did she.

That’s when I turned to her and asked “You do all the flowers, don’t you?” I’m pretty sure that it is her, and they are gorgeous. I would love to walk in the garden that grows the magnificence that graces us every Sunday. And she said yes. She didn’t say “thank you” when I originally spoke of the beauty, it wasn’t until I asked…

She stayed with Ray in the nursury while I made my public speaking debut. Somehow, I think she misses her grandchildren terribly. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I can tell you one thing: It is their loss. I’m not sure what’s going on, but it’s tragic that children so small are being deprived of so much love.

So I spoke today. Didn’t goof up too much. Shared some of my poetry. Had a good response. But if you really wanted to hear a good speaker, you had to be there for the 11:00am worship, when Dad took the pulpit. He took what I wanted to say and put it to music.

God, I love it when that man speaks Your Word. Always have. Always will.

I’ll post a little poetry for you all too, in a separate post.



The Ballad of Baby Ray

There was a time, a long time ago, that it was just Baby Ray and I. Brian and I were seperated for a time, and it was just me and my boy.

I lived for a time with my parents, then I rented a room from a family that Bri and I knew. One of the constants during this time though was weekends at Auntie Gaaca’s.  I would fall asleep, watching TV, in the recliner. With Baby Ray in my arms. Gaacca said that we spoke our own language, in our sleep. He would murmer to me, I would murmer back, we’d cuddle and slip back to sleep.

I worried and fretted. When he started head-butting (at the ripe old age of 6 months), I was convinced it was either a seizure or autism. He knocked out one of my teeth and still I just kept going. When he was late walking, talking… I was in the doctor’s office, changing doctors, doing the mommy thing.

But the thing is… I’m jealous.

For all that it used to be the Baby Ray and Mommy show, now Mommy has been bumped for Daddy. He runs around, plays with Daddy. They play cars, watch movies, go out, have fun. Me? Well, we still play, but unless it’s just me and Ray I sometimes come in second place.

That’s as it should be. Father’s and sons need to bond. This is good not only for Ray but also for Brian as he gets to relive a childhood that he does not remember.

But still.

Sometimes when he’s sick, and he crawls up into me and hangs on, my heart melts. I know it’s not entirely right, but I enjoy these little moments carved out of something bad. Snuggles, sighs… Because for all that Daddy is his playmate, it is Mommy who is his rock.

I can do that.

Catch Up

Well, I’ll be working 4 days this week. WOOHOO!!!! Things are looking a bit up right now.This is just a quick bit to catch up with what’s going on (right before work LOL).

1. The Amazing Baby Ray is doing great. He’s babbling a lot more, and using a lot more words. I’m really pleased with the way he’s starting to progress.

2. I talked with Phyllis, the pastor of our church and my mentor (whether she likes it or not) about my little Project Ray of Sunshine. I can’t do it without the church… And it turns out she was thinking simular thoughts as mine. So, we have it in the works and I am so excited!

3. Sunday Night, with the time change? Ray went to sleep at 11:00pm! That turkey! I was so tired… but he was out by 8:30 last night, so hopefully his clock has been reset.

4. I’ve been writing a lot of spiritual poetry, in addition to the children’s poetry. I kind of like it. I’ll post some of it either tonight or sometime this week. It’ll depend on MR. RAY and when he goes night night.

5. I really miss writing in here when I’m busy. SO. I’ll try and write more. It’ll be easier once I get my other computer up and running… But it’s with Leyla Bean right now. So. Short missives from work or late night ramblings are what you’re gonna get until I get back into the schedule.

6. I really love my church. I love a small congregation where everyone knows everyone else. It’s the way I was raised, and I can’t stand the huge, stadium style churches that my husband likes. But– But— Brian came back to church with me this past Sunday. I think the more personal attention is better for Ray. These people are a part of his family– they have loved him since before he was born and welcomed him with open arms.

Lots of love!



I am going to start a non-profit, called Project Ray of Sunshine. The mission is to give special needs kids and their parents a place to go and have fun that is safe and appropriate for them. I really really believe that this is something that I need to do. And I need to get the church involved because the one resource that we have that is not only abundant but also under-utelized are all the loving grand-parents that are there.

It’s a 2 pronged Ray of Sunshine.

Any comments, advice, pointers…. Please comment. This is something that I really want to do, but am not sure how to start.

Thanks and mucho love!


NASCAR– Who Knew?

Ok. I’m the first to admit that I should have known this. It should have been a no brainer. I mean, Raymond LOVES cars. For some reason, it never dawned on me to turn on NASCAR for him. See what his reaction would be.

He loves it.

But it’s more than just he lvoes it. It animates him. He was yelling at the television, talking, dancing, jumping up and down and clapping. Look at the first part of that last sentence again.

A child with speech delays, who would rather not really talk a lot, was babbling and yelling and even saying intelligble things like “Go car go!” and “Uh-Oh!”.

Brian’s into football and baseball. Me, I’m not really into sports but I’ll watch gymnastics or ice-skating once in a while. You know, the girly sports. But now, well, NASCAR’s got me. Because when something gives you child so much joy, when in turns the switch on, well… You’re going to hit that switch as often as possible. Right?

Yup. Mommyhood changed everything. We now have a family sport. Something Ray enjoys, and Bri and I enjoy watching with him.

Oh. You should have seen him. Eyes dancing, clapping. Doing a little dance. He was so happy, it was beautiful. And the words! Oh!


Nascar. Who knew?