Nano

Well. I’m nanoing. Not burning it up like some, but an increase in words almost every day.

I’m almost 10k into my story and I have no clue who it’s about. I have all the characters… but who I thought it was about?

Nope.

But I’m told that I can edit later. 

I believe I can do this. Even with the curveball I keep getting  thrown.

No excuses. Just words.

Not quitting till December 1st.

I can do this.

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Neuro

My path is not the

Straight and narrow 

Of your ken…

You say you understand,

My brain isn’t wired like yours.

And yet, 

Every time,

Everyday,

I have to fight for the

Simple right

To be 

Who 

Am.

If I had autism

I’d fit in your b
ox.

If I had ADD

You’d feel better

Putting pills 

In my mouth.

It’s not my fault

You choose not 

to see….

There are no boxes 

For souls

And mine is beautiful

Even if you choose

Not

to

See.

Boys and poetry

The princeling and I often talk about stories. Last weekend, I listened to him try to rewrite all of my stories. Every single one. 

While cleaning up some papers, I came across a poem we had started together. I remembered the first line, but had forgotten he had written the second. And now I know why he and I don’t work poetry much. He’s 11. And a boy. And I shouldn’t have been suprised….

Here goes…..

If I had a robot heart,

Would I be able to fart.

Yup, my son has mad rhyming skills.

Competition 

I’m good at what I do. I enjoy the hell out of my job, now that I’ve gotten away from my crazy abusive boss. I have a great boss now, he’s not only fair he realizes that by giving me the tools and support I need to do my job…. his company succeeds. He isn’t afraid or hesitant to support me when customers are angry with me, and it’s generally like night and day compared to my previous job.

The only thing I missed from my old job were my coworkers. One retired, and I still see him and his wife from time to time. My son loves comparing phone games with her. Another does my taxes every year. One of the latter hires and I still talk on the phone from time to time.

There was one coworker whom I talked with everyday but I haven’t since I left. I’m on the left coast, and she’s on the right coast.

I’ve talked to her every day this week.

She is now a part of our team and I love it.

I am hyper competitive and we are now a sales team of 2. Before, I was checking my numbers against the Florida warehouse and I was ok with it. Since I’m not on commission, I feel like I should take care of all of our customers. No lie, keeping up with all the aspects of all the customers keep me on my toes. As I’m bored easily, it’s perfect.

Perfect!

However I’m hyper competitive. This is not something my boss puts onto me, though he likes it. No one is pressuring me. I’m not in commission, because I turned it down. I’d rather work on salary as I have the princeling. It also frees me up to answer phones and help everyone. 

But she… she’s good. She’s very good. And my competitive gene kicked in. And things starting building up…… so that by Friday morning I had a melt down.

A minor one. And all from internal pressure.

I understand and applaud putting customers who were under my rep number going over to hers if they will buy more. Every once in a while tho, one will come through that a different person reentered under their own number that was mine. My boss fixes it everytime. But one came through yesterday that was completely accidental and I lost it.

Thank God the boss man wasn’t there because I was so frustrated I cried when telling my coworker. Argh I hate that. But by talking it over with L I was able to calm down enough to email what had happened to the boss man.

I think L. may have talked to the boss man. 

Cool.

(And please be aware, my frustration had nothing to do with C.. I have always wanted nothing but to support her and make her life and transition easier. I like her. A lot. I love working with her. We worked together and talked almost everyday for 8 years. I’ve met her in person once, and had  blast. We used to joke wed take over the old company if we ever got together and that’s why we were only in the same place once.)

Later in the day, right before closing, he gave me words of encouragement. Something to the effect of C. being hired doesn’t take away from what I do. That I’m great at what I do and he’s happy with my work. He hired her to be a me on the other coast.

“It’s just I’m so competitive..”

“I know.” I’m pretty sure he said he like it too. I know he does.

“It’s just… I have my sales number to track, but I take care of everyone. House accounts, anthony, mine…”

And he gets it. He doesn’t try to make me feel less. He let’s me know he sees everything I do, and he likes it. I am good at what I do… even when I’m competing in my own head. Instead of being strung out and worried all weekend, I was able to leave work feeling great. It carried me through a crappie drive home. It stays with me everytime I get in the car at butt o’clock in the morning. I’m gone from 6:15am to 5pm and I more than ok with it. 

I used to say that my boss from my first job after college was the best boss I’d ever had. Tough, but fair and would always support me if I told him what was going on BEFORE the caca hit the fan. That has been changed. 

I’ll still be competitive. I won’t let that go. It’s all in my own brain, anyways. 

But for work, I think I’m going to focus my competitiveness outside the company. Show the industry what happens when women in the work place are valued and supported.

Yah. We can do that.

Niht Dance

The stars were crisp and clear 

in the night sky. 

Tree tops reached, 

trying to touch the tiny dancers, 

but they spun away,

too and fro, 

in a dance only

 a master can teach.

 Did they spin to and fro,

 or was the world

 spinning in its own dance?

Or did I finally 

Finally 

have a chance to see 

Night in all her glory

and breathe?

Busy Brain

I’m happy tonight. Bouncing around, music in my head that no one else can hear happy. Busy brain is starting to kick in.

Busy Brain is an anomaly. I don’t tend to like doing a lot of things. After work, I like coming home, getting comfy and being DONE for the day. But there are, unfortunately, only so many books to read or shows to watch before your ass gets covered in moss. I know! It’s so unfair!

I don’t know if I talked about my busy brain idea on here before or not. But… here goes. Way back when I was in college, even doing my Masters Degree full time, working a full time job and a couple of part time ones… I was happy. Bad days, good days, of course. But fundamentally happy.

If you’re happy and you know it….

So. After going through a mild depression, I decided to join Partylite to get myself out of the house and start the busy brain phenomenon rolling. Then, the Princeling and I went on a trip (woohoo! loved it!). A brief pause while I had the stomach flu and then…

I signed up for an online writing class. And am debating taking a certificate program modelled on MFA programs. I want it for the writing, not the degree (already have an MA). So I did my writing assignment, gave feedback to others, posted my assignment and am now busily plotting my weekend.

Which includes laser tag and a Ren fair. WOOHOO!

Work is going well. I’m working on putting up a blog for my job, which is interesting. I’m writing, both fiction and here. I have a few Partylite things going on. I have a busy brain and that brain is happy.

Smiles…

I even did a garbage version of bullet journals for my son and I. I say garbage because I am not into the big expensive leather bound journals. Instead, I made one out of graph comp books. I didn’t do anything too fancy schmancy and we’ll see how that goes. I’ll keep you posted 🙂

I hope you had a great, music in your head bouncing around happy kind of day and are looking forward to a fantastic weekend.

Travelling

Today, the princeling and I are going on a trip, in our favorite rocket ship…. it’s time for us to go out and about. On our own. Well, sort of. We’re going to go visit family, but twill just be he and I in the car.

My son can’t remember the times we used to go travelling on our own. Admittedly, it’s only been twice, but still. My child thinks his mommy can’t travel on her own. Which if you knew my travel history is hilarious.

I love travelling with Linda. She’s one of the best friends I’ve ever had. Somewhere along the way, I’ve allowed myself to rely a bit too much on her. Yes, there are situations where I am uncomfortable. But something she said to me on the firstish trip (she ended up meeting me and a friend and ray in monterey) has been ringing in my head. “Why did you bring Her? You’re fine, you don’t need help with the princeling. You’re a good mom and you’ve got it handled”. 

And then I promptly let her handle the travel. Don’t get me wrong, I love travelling with her and T. It’s fun, and we get to talk answer laugh and share heart to heart moments. 

But my son sees me as weak. I write about kick ass women who save themselves and my son sees me as weak. It’s time to write a different story, one that includes travelling with Linda, but also some solo adventures with the princeling. 

It’s al,osteoporosis time for us to cut loose. Stay well my lovelies!