Tag Archive | pregnancy

#becausewecan: 82 Cards

A lot of things are going on in the world right now, and what we need is inspiration. The docotrs and scientists need inspiration to find a way to navigate us out of this mess. And we need inspiration to help us remain human and connected in a world of social distancing.

Some things happened the weekend of March 20th that inspired me. Some people inspired me. The first was Jennifer Pastiloff. If you dont follow her on Facebook or Instagram, you should. In the face of losing her livlihood, she decided to hang on by asking “How may I serve?” She did one of her classes online for a donation… to help feed others. To buy diapers, food. To help. She could have set it up and done her confrences that way– Zoomed her way into a paycheck. I still think she should consider it. But at this time, when we needed help, we needed to remember that you can always find 5 beautiful things right here and now… she gave me that reminder. That hope.

The other person that inspired me was Jon Bon Jovi. He did a video of the start of the song and asked that the people watching help write the rest. I don’t remember the name of the song, but i do remember thinking that he has already made an anthem for these crazy days. Because We Can. And also Army of One.

Those who know me know that Bon Jovi wrote the soundtrack to my life. At one point I toyed with writing a monologe set to their music. Is it any wonder that when I was looking for inspiration and comfort and the “Hell yes we can do this!” I turned to them, to the band that I grew up beside?

So.

How many have seen the meme about writing cards to seniors in rehab care facilities? On Monday night i got a wild hair and called the one Dad had been in here locally.  They have 82 people there. Writing cards is my super power. I dont just sign my name, I write. 

And then God laughed. I wrote Tuesday. I came home from work Wednesday and crashed (essential employee). I wrote Thursday. Ended up on the phoen a lot Friday, still wrote thouh. I wrote on my breaks. I wrote on my lunch. I wrote on Saturday and on Sunday morning. And at some point, your brain goes to sleep and magic happens and you’re just creating.

I delivered 82 cards on Sunday. All the cards opened with “To My Special Friend” and ended with the note that they are special and they are loved. I signed only with my first name. No phone number, no return address. Because while it would be great to know if the right card got to the right person… I am fighting my need for positive reinforcement.

I did it because I am an #Armyofone, and #becausewecan.

And also because Jen Pastiloff asked “How May I Serve?”

Pregnancy Depression

There are movies that hit the nail on the head, or in the heart. The movie Waitress was one of them for me. Our situations were different… but yet the same emotion. (And no, I didn’t cheat no matter how horrible it got.)

When people ask me why I haven’t had another baby, I just smile and say I’m too old. The truth is I was so depressed during my pregnancy that I wanted to crawl into a cave and die. I didn’t believe that I was going to come out of the situation with a baby, and to be honest at the time I wasn’t sure I wanted to bring a child into the situation I was in.

Add to that the fact that I gained exactly 36 pounds. The size of my mom’s tumor and excess water that they removed right before she died— and yeh. I hated being pregnant.

Maybe it was the hormones. Maybe it was the hopeless situation. I don’t know. But I am satisfied with my One and Only and have no desire for another.

And a good part of that is the fact that I was so…. Hopeless while pregnant. You hear all the time about post partum depression, but never about pregnancy depression. Am I alone here? Did anyone else go through that?

Everything changed once I came off the vicodin from the C-section. I fell in love and haven’t regretted it one iota.  He captured my heart and still has hold of it in one little fist.

But I wonder— if I did get pregnant again. Would I be as depressed? Is it something about the hormones? Or was it the situation? And do I really want to take that chance again?