Tag Archive | breathing

#becausewecan: 82 Cards

A lot of things are going on in the world right now, and what we need is inspiration. The docotrs and scientists need inspiration to find a way to navigate us out of this mess. And we need inspiration to help us remain human and connected in a world of social distancing.

Some things happened the weekend of March 20th that inspired me. Some people inspired me. The first was Jennifer Pastiloff. If you dont follow her on Facebook or Instagram, you should. In the face of losing her livlihood, she decided to hang on by asking “How may I serve?” She did one of her classes online for a donation… to help feed others. To buy diapers, food. To help. She could have set it up and done her confrences that way– Zoomed her way into a paycheck. I still think she should consider it. But at this time, when we needed help, we needed to remember that you can always find 5 beautiful things right here and now… she gave me that reminder. That hope.

The other person that inspired me was Jon Bon Jovi. He did a video of the start of the song and asked that the people watching help write the rest. I don’t remember the name of the song, but i do remember thinking that he has already made an anthem for these crazy days. Because We Can. And also Army of One.

Those who know me know that Bon Jovi wrote the soundtrack to my life. At one point I toyed with writing a monologe set to their music. Is it any wonder that when I was looking for inspiration and comfort and the “Hell yes we can do this!” I turned to them, to the band that I grew up beside?

So.

How many have seen the meme about writing cards to seniors in rehab care facilities? On Monday night i got a wild hair and called the one Dad had been in here locally.  They have 82 people there. Writing cards is my super power. I dont just sign my name, I write. 

And then God laughed. I wrote Tuesday. I came home from work Wednesday and crashed (essential employee). I wrote Thursday. Ended up on the phoen a lot Friday, still wrote thouh. I wrote on my breaks. I wrote on my lunch. I wrote on Saturday and on Sunday morning. And at some point, your brain goes to sleep and magic happens and you’re just creating.

I delivered 82 cards on Sunday. All the cards opened with “To My Special Friend” and ended with the note that they are special and they are loved. I signed only with my first name. No phone number, no return address. Because while it would be great to know if the right card got to the right person… I am fighting my need for positive reinforcement.

I did it because I am an #Armyofone, and #becausewecan.

And also because Jen Pastiloff asked “How May I Serve?”

Catching my breath…

In a very real sense. I’ve had chronic bronchitis for a very long time, but it went on hiatus since… well, pretty much since Ray was born. Sinus infections? Oh my yes. But bronchitis wasn’t my main thing. Until now. It started around Thanksgiving and, Well, I’m finally breathing pretty good, the cough is almost gone, and i feel human again.

So here I am.

I was also catching my breath when it came to writing. I started out on my goal of writing the rock opera with Bon Jovi as the main (only)┬ámusic… but… I discovered that something I had written before fit in as well. I had orginially started the other piece as something to do with mommyhood, but the rage kept bleeding over and taking it over so I set it aside.

I also wasn’t sure about the tone. It could come across as smart- alecky, which is not what I intended. The newer version is not… it’s more serious.

But the real problem is…. It’s so damn scary. I’m scared even now.

But I’m still gonna do it.

I can feel myself wanting to clamp down, put the story on ice. But I was writing, having fun, listening to Bon Jovi as RESEARCH, people! The actual story line, though, has gotten to a point where I’m afraid to step over the threshold. It’s at the first turning point.

I’ve said before that it’s deeply personal.

It’s also non-fiction.

Which probably accounts for at least some of the fear (ALL OF IT). I may just create a narrator as a character, removing me by one… but that feels like cheating.

Do other people get this petrified of just putting the truth down on paper and accepting the consequences? Good, Bad or indifferent?