There are movies that hit the nail on the head, or in the heart. The movie Waitress was one of them for me. Our situations were different… but yet the same emotion. (And no, I didn’t cheat no matter how horrible it got.)
When people ask me why I haven’t had another baby, I just smile and say I’m too old. The truth is I was so depressed during my pregnancy that I wanted to crawl into a cave and die. I didn’t believe that I was going to come out of the situation with a baby, and to be honest at the time I wasn’t sure I wanted to bring a child into the situation I was in.
Add to that the fact that I gained exactly 36 pounds. The size of my mom’s tumor and excess water that they removed right before she died— and yeh. I hated being pregnant.
Maybe it was the hormones. Maybe it was the hopeless situation. I don’t know. But I am satisfied with my One and Only and have no desire for another.
And a good part of that is the fact that I was so…. Hopeless while pregnant. You hear all the time about post partum depression, but never about pregnancy depression. Am I alone here? Did anyone else go through that?
Everything changed once I came off the vicodin from the C-section. I fell in love and haven’t regretted it one iota. He captured my heart and still has hold of it in one little fist.
But I wonder— if I did get pregnant again. Would I be as depressed? Is it something about the hormones? Or was it the situation? And do I really want to take that chance again?