Unfriended & floundering

I have never been the type of person to have a whole bunch of friends. Just a few, that’s all a person really needs, right? A few really good friends can get you through anything, and boy have they. But then things converge…

Four of my closest friends live either out of state or out of country. You know who you are, and for these purposes, you are officially “off the hook.” But I will say I love you, my peeps. And I miss you more than I can say. Although I’ll probably get pretty darned close.

But then there are those that are close. And yet still, I don’t talk with them. See them. Nada. I have one friend, B, who I see & talk with on a weekly basis. We used to see eachother every single day– watch Buffy together, even. That was when we lived in the same apartment complex. R and I… we used to see eachother all the time, too, before she moved oos (out of state). I’m used to having at least one friend that I can talk to all the time.

(…I think I’m getting needy…)

Don’t really have that right now. I’m at loose ends. Even my dad, my 83 year old dad has a social life. Tried to call him tonight– nope. He was not in. SIGH. (Although I am very happy for him).

Even though I had vowed I was done trying, I picked up the phone to call one friend tonight. Got voice mail. Don’t know why I bothered leaving one, I won’t get a call back. And I’m off into the viscous cycle.

You know, I was ready to not have time for friends because Ray needed me. I was. I was going to spend time with him, have fun, do this do that… And then it turns out that the developmental problems may not be as large as some thought. Now that the fight is over, so too is the need for over protection and making sure things go right for him. There’s still some level of fingers in the pie, especially with school… But no where near where I thought it might be this time last year. Now, he’s all gang busters making friends and being a “love” to his teacher.

Brian has classes 2 nights a week. Then there’s Bible Study on Monday, too. He loves Bible study, comes home all a-glow with the warmth of seeing friends and studying with them. How can I tell him NOT to go? Can’t.

It didn’t hurt so much, or feel so bad when I was at Dad’s because Dad is as social a creature as I am. Just enough to be connected, but leave me alone when I want to read. Brian, not so much a talker. Which is fine, I guess.  I mean, I married the man knowing this.

I’m just feeling lost. Unfriended, as if there was a poll and everyone decided to get rid of me. Isolated. Sorry for myself.

So here i am, throwing it all out there to the world. Lets face it, a blog is a connection of sorts. The act of reading this blog opens the possibility of a dialogue.

Or you know. I could get off line, pick up the phone, and try again.

I think I’ll do that.

Yah.

Right after I hit “Publish”.

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